After seeing the recent drama go down in the community it got me thinking about the differences between goths and lolitas. For context my mother is a 90s goth and I find it fascinating how the different groups interact with the world.
Lolita Fashion, at least in the US, is an Internet based subculture. We mostly find each other online and posting pictures and videos online is a major part of the subculture for many who participate. Most of us buy our clothes online and discovered Lolita Fashion through the Internet. I think it gives our fashion a certain perspective of the world sometimes for better or worse.
I think Lolita fashion being online makes it easier to connect quickly with our subculture and find others like ourselves if only virtually. However I think this can breed a rather harsh environment given the polish the modern Internet is known for. It isn’t in all spaces of course but it’s no secret within the community.
I think this can lead to some misunderstanding of our community when new people join as we take so much of our subculture for granted over time. One thing I can think of is concrit which has become integral to our community where outfits are seen as works of art and critiques the same way one might critique a painting in art class.
It’s important for us to keep in mind that when new people enter our spaces that they aren’t going to be familiar with our intrinsic rules and culture and although it can be exhausting I believe that patience can go such a long way to making our community a more accepting and inviting place.
Now your mileage may vary on this one but these are ways I have seen that have made it possible for me to wear Lolita to work with little issue
1.) Blouse and Skirt coords are your best friend
People seem to be a lot more accepting of blouse and skirt coords at work! I think it might be because it makes it a bit more casual and approachable
2.) Keep Headpieces small or opt to use hairstyles and small bows
This helps reign in how in your face the style can be while retaining the elegance
3.) Updo’s if you have long hair instantly make your coords look more professional
I find that updos are great and tend to keep better throughout the day anyways
4.) In more conservative office environments Classic Lolita is usually a safe bet
5.) Wear sensible shoes
Know what your job is and be sure to wear appropriate shoes, if you sit at a desk all day tea parties may be just fine, but if you have to get up a lot like I do you may want to stick to flats or well kept sneakers that match your outfit (my american is showing)
6.) Keep accessories minimal
Same idea as your hair in this instance your almost trying to find a cross between casual Lolita and office wear to wear to work, a bit more formal than wearing a cutsew and skirt but not OTT, earrings and a necklace are usually a safe bet
7.) Be grateful our fashion fits most dress codes!
So it depends on the taste in your office but thankfully a fashion that has you cover your shoulders and wear knee length skirts is not going to break any modesty codes it just may offend some sensibilities, obviously your work is more important than having to wear this fashion everyday but these are some tips that I’ve found that help!
I decided to customize my phone screen! I’ve been feeling really into sweet Lolita recently and I wanted my phone to reflect that, I already decodened the outside of my phone and wanted to reflect that on the inside!
I used fontsart and picsapp to make my background and change the icons!
It’s really interesting being a lifestyle Lolita these days, we’re definitely still around but not as much so anymore, it’s also harder to define as time goes on. I feel as if there is definitely a range of lifestyler but that mythic princess who wears her frills everyday is an inspiration to many of us. I wear Lolita about 3-5 times a week now but I’ve identified as a lifestyler for a long time and I think we go through cycles that are entirely normal for any interest!
Lolita Fashion is a demanding hobby whether you are a lifestyle lolita or not, and it can feel like to do it properly it has to be all consuming 100% of the time. This is simply not true and one of the reasons that I wrote in my princess code to not box yourself in. The idealized princess is an inspiration to my life but my clothes aren’t all that I am as a person, I am unique and dynamic and we should all share all parts of ourselves with the world if we see fit.
Lolita is a subculture through and through we have our own language and customs even. There are a lot of benefits to having such an extremely tight knit community, when there are outside threats lolitas band together in ways that is an honor to see. However one downside especially as someone who created Lolita fashion content online I see an encouragement to squash yourself down to one thing that I don’t see as much in other groups in Lolita fashion. If a creator wants to only share their lolita selves and keep the rest private that is entirely up to them! But for creators who create a lot of Lolita fashion content I often see some quiet judgement when they want to share other parts of themselves.
Also interests coming and going in cycles is entirely natural! I have been in lolitafor over 5 years now and I’m on an interest upswing, I’ve been able to wear it more often than I don’t but sometimes I’m too tired and there’s nothing wrong with that. I also love sharing my love of cosplay and anime which is especially frowned upon in parts of the Lolita community even though for a lot of us we discovered Lolita fashion through those channels
I also feel a weird sense of a custodianship of our image that is unique to Lolita fashion. Rose Nocturnalia on YouTube made a great video about it. I think we need to learn to let go a little bit in this community of what the mainstream thinks of us. I get that we want our lives to be made easier but by the sheer nature of being alternative there are certain things mainstream people are never going to get and we shouldn’t turn on each other to try to be more accepted
💖 A Princess lives their life the way they’d like to see others live
💖 A Princess strives to be her truest self and inspire others to be more comfortable being theirselves
💖A Princess does not allow hatred to be harbored in her heart and does her best to help herself and her community be safe and cared for
💖 A Princess indulges in beautiful things that make me her happy regardless of what others think
💖 A Princess allows herself time to be dressed and groomed exactly as she would like to be
💖 A Princess gives a present to herself everyday, be it a cup of tea or something grand
💖 A Princess does not allow herself to be limited by the box she thinks others would like to have her in, or the box she may have made for herself.
💖 A Princess is responsible to herself and others in deeds, errands and funds, but not at the expense of her health
💖 A Princess shares her love and her smile with the world but not at the cost of her boundaries or her health
💖 A Princess strives to be the best she can be, beauty not perfection
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I was inspired to write this by the original code done by Princess Skye on the Princess Portal! Sadly it can only be accessed on the way back machine now, here I’ll share the original copied from the Lolita Princess blog, I’ll credit with the link below
The Princess Code
“[A] list of values and ideals we aspire to as Princesses… a collaborative effort between many other girls who have sent in their sentences. It belongs to all of us, and while we may not agree with every item on the list (and that’s okay!), it creates a picture of what being a Princess means.”
A Princess inspires others to follow their hopes and dreams through pursuing her own.
A Princess greets everyone with a welcoming smile, melting the hearts of friends and disarming her enemies.
A Princess has dignity, which protects her from the opinions and spite of ignorant people.
A Princess always looks beautiful, even when she is asleep.
A Princess aims for perfection in every step.
A Princess should be given fresh flowers everyday, even if she has to give them to herself.
A Princess grows in recognition and stature in proportion to how much she treats others as royalty.
A Princess reflect’s her inner beauty in her aesthetic choices.
A Princess goes to war against the violence of incivility with the weapons of etiquette and prodigal generosity.
A Princess lives each day from the heart, expressing herself freely and treasuring every moment.
A Princess has the right to spend her funds on beautiful things she does not need because beauty in itself is priceless.
A Princess should follow her heart and believe in her dreams, even if the whole world seems to be against her.
A Princess respects her environment and nurtures the beauty of nature.
A Princess is never too busy to give a kind word or smile where it is needed.
A Princess’s most precious jewel is Hope, which lights her darkest days and shows her the beauty in every soul she meets.”
I really like the original code quite a bit and took a lot of inspiration from it! I updated it and tried not to take anything word for word, in some ways I find the original too specific and too unattainable but I love how charming it is! Also in the blog post that I referenced it said that Princess Skye emphasized that every princess should have their own code, I encourage any lifestyle Lolita or jfashion that relates to being a princess write one of their own! It was really fun and let me reflect once again on what being a lifestyle Lolita means to me for more than just the clothes
My fiance and I went to the mall today!! I’m happy to say I think I’ve finally filled out all the Kawaii accessories I need for the time being, I absolutely raided the Claire’s and hot topic and my chocolate bar earrings go great with my coord for today!
Needless to say I’ll be taking a month or two off but I now have so many options for my coords! It was such a great experience and I can’t wait for my comm’s virtual tea party!
I am so very happy that nowadays in Lolita fashion alterations are now being considered very acceptable and common place, back when I first started getting into egl it was not nearly as accepted or talked about.
I didn’t see much around that went against it but it certainly wasn’t a suggestion I saw people having and a lot of Kawaii channels on youtube would also have a fitness and weight loss element somewhere on their channel
As I think body positivity has gone more mainstream I think it seeped into Lolita fashion spaces for the better. I altered two of my favorite pieces in my closet the first one was a baby JSK that’s seams burst when I was wearing it. That gave me the courage to finally take it apart and add waist tie panels into the bust. The feeling of having the clothes I feel cutest in also fit me the best is amazing! One of my goals for the month of March is to get through my pile of skirts and dresses that need to be altered so that I can fully enjoy my wardrobe without the constant reminder that these clothes weren’t made for someone like me
I am not plus size by mainstream standards, I fall between a dress size 12-16 depending on the brand, that would put me into what I would consider mid size, but it makes even buying mainstream clothes difficult for me from time to time. When it comes to egl I without a shadow of a doubt would fall into the plus size category. However for years I would squeeze myself into pieces leaving red marks and making my body ache just to feel like I belonged, however every time my weight would inevitably fluctuate and a piece would refuse to zip I would feel an intense shame rise over me as if these clothes were meant to dictate what size I should be, not the other way around.
So when I finally upsized two of my pieces the sheer freedom and love I felt when I put them on was incredible. Due to liking the more solid control of hand stitching I had hand stitched these two pieces and it had felt like I had put love and self acceptance into every stitch. For the longest time I equated my health with size and weight due to my family’s history of diabetes but I realize now that every time I start focusing on my weight I throw health behaviors out the window! It’s still a struggle for me and I know I have a lot more work to do on my body image as time goes forward but I’m hoping by transforming the clothes I love to work for me I can start to have that work be just a little easier
I love doing this on a regular basis! I love just going through the egl tags on Instagram and just finding specific things to love! I always appreciate those who find the little details in their dresses to highlight, I think it’s so sweet and wonderful when lolitas are able to have like a relationship with their dress in how carefully they coord it, one of the girls in my comm is always amazing and has a great attention to detail in all of her coords and it always amazes me! I’m actually pretty lazy as far as lolitas go I think, I wear it daily so I think I only put that amount of effort into it for tea parties and events! I think it’s also great to look at other coords for inspiration and new ways to try things! I love getting inspiration for simple straight hair hairstyles since I have pin straight hair and it takes forever to curl
So it’s Valentine’s Day! Sadly I am apart from my darling today due to us both working long shifts today but I can’t wait to see him this evening. I met him our freshman year of college and we started dating pretty much right away after knowing each other for about two weeks. The first day I met him and talked to him we actually didn’t sleep we stayed up all night talking to each other because we liked each other so much. It was super sweet and like a fairytale. We’ve been together for almost 5 years now! That’s so incredible to me honestly, I proposed to him back in March, sadly the wedding planning has been on hold due to the global pandemic. When he met me I was just starting to seriously get into Lolita Fashion but he encouraged me the whole way and even bought me two of my main pieces once for Christmas and once for our anniversary. He is so incredibly supportive of all of my alternative hobbies and shares his interests with me as well! He actually has started dipping his toes into alternative fashion too and it is taking all of my strength not to spoil him rotten with pastel goth things.
Luna By The Lake With Cake 