Well, hello everyone! It’s been a long while. I took some time off of some parts of the web in order to recalibrate but I am very happy to be back in time for the month of Halloween! I have big plans this month, I will be participating in Vlogtober again so if you want to see daily video content from me please checkout my Tiktok (@lilianarowena) or Youtube (Liliana Rowena)
Here’s my Must Do list for this month
Get my nails done a spooky theme
Carve a pumpkin
Bake spooky cookies
Wear Bat Eyeliner as Much as Possible
Wear as many Gothic or Spooky Cute Coords as Possible
Ask my fiance to give me a pastel goth makeover
Have a halloween meetup with my friends
Go to a Halloween Party at a Bar
Make Sure I have my Shinobu costume to match my brother
We have all seen it, the leaving lolita sales, or long winded posts about why people have to leave, but why does it happen so often in egl? To be fair I haven’t spent a lot of time in other alternative fashion spaces, and as far as gyaru goes I am a complete and total beginner. But I have been actively participating in the lolita community for around five years now and it is an amazing phenomena to me that this community seems to engender burnout in its own unique way.
Why is this? I have a few theories of what could be contributing to this. I haven’t done any studies so all that follows is merely opinion based on some observations I have made throughout the years. One of the things I think leads to members leaving so drastically is the sheer high maintenance of the fashion itself in a lot of ways. The clothing is expensive and taking care of it will either take a lot of energy or a lot of money and for a lot of people you can be pretty short on both. Most lolita fashion events in order to protect the communities integrity and safety require that you have at least one coord you can wear to go to that event, so if you run out of energy or money to care for your clothing, selling it off is a good option. However if an individual sells off all of their clothes than they no longer have a wardrobe to wear to events and if they wish to start over that is a daunting task, as wardrobes take years to build. Especially if you are on a budget
The second theory I have on why I see the burnout rate in lolita fashion being so high is because of what I will dub the “small town effect” egl is a group of extraordinarily passionate people but in the grand scheme of things and subcultures it is an amazingly small subset of the alternative fashion community as a whole. Also, egl is a very internet based subculture, we take the time to meet in person and do a lot of in person events however this means that there is eyes constantly on what’s being talked about online. This encourages lolitas to share their journeys with the world but there is always a risk of being posted to sites specifically to belittle the work they have done by people who they will never know who it is. This is a lot of pressure to be under and it can be really overwhelming especially for younger members of the community.
There are other factors that go into play here, but these are the two big pieces I see factor into people deciding to end their lolita fashion journey. There is nothing wrong with your fashion journey growing and changing with you and if one day you completely grow out of egl or you wear it to your grave there is no shame in either path. What breaks my heart is seeing people who are still so in love with the fashion still have to painfully leave it behind. Here is some of my tips I want to share to try to prevent that from happening, so that when or if it comes time for you to move on you’ll be able to leave with fond memories of this wonderful fashion you dedicated part of your life to.
My first tip is to never collect more pieces than you can maintain, regular closet cleanouts and selling what no longer fits your body or style can help you attain this to prevent yourself from having overwhelm. Remember with clothing care you will either spend money or energy maintaining it. If you don’t have a lot of disposable income on the regular you can always handwash your clothes however remember that this will cost you energy. If you don’t have a lot of disposable energy you can pay to have your clothes taken care of and maintained for you but this will cost money. Make sure that you keep within both of resources so that your wardrobe can remain a joy and not a burden
My second tip is to build egl into your budget so that you know what you can spend on it and it won’t be a financial burden on you. This isn’t something I’m an expert on but I will link a video that I find supremely helpful from someone with more experience with money than me here.
My third tip is that it’s okay to take breaks from the fashion from time to time if you need to, it will be there when you come back, your physical, mental and financial health come first.
My fourth tip is to if possible connect with your local comm and try to focus more of your energy into your irl comm than you do the online comm. Egl on the internet is a very complicated place and it can drain a lot of the passion and energy that you have for the fashion if you keep looking in places filled with negativity. People behind screens can’t see you and your reactions and the layer of anonymity means people might say things that they normally wouldn’t say. That being said, it is 100% okay to make online friends and reach out to individuals on accounts and work with those seeking to build more positive community online in egl spaces that work is important and will help combat on a community level the burnout many individuals in this fashion face.
My fifth tip is to stop seeking perfection, it is of course totally fine to want to improve your art in your coords as I see each of our outfits as wearable art that we transform into our own masterpieces with each coord that we build, but it can be easy to give into constant self critique and never really allow yourself to love what you’re wearing. Allow yourself to love your clothes and your fashion.
This is my first month participating in the bibliotecha blogging circle and I am so grateful that I was accepted to join! This months theme was self care! If you would like to check out all of the other wonderful bloggers and subscribe to a monthly newsletter click on the link down below
I have talked about this multiple times on this blog and will continue to as I am still learning and trying to share my learning journey with you all. Money is hard for me and I have really expensive hobbies with lolita fashion probably being my most expensive hobby. I think it’s pretty well known in the community that lots of lolitas struggle with impulse buys and emotional spending. I don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough in our community and I want to add to the conversation in a productive and realistic manner.
I tried to go on a low-buy this year, it was one of my new year’s resolutions and I failed it spectacularly. I tried to commit to only buying accessories and only buying things under 25$, I was able to stick to this for about 4 months and then I went on a lacemarket binge. I bought a ton of things in a row far exceeding that 25$ budget. I felt so ashamed but still enjoyed what I had received. I decided to talk to my fiance about it because I wanted to get a handle on my money while still enjoying myself. I think that complete drop in my spending just spilled over into other things and then into one big buying spree.
I had heard of that happening when people decided to try to do low buys in finances but had convinced myself that it wouldn’t happen to me because I was only doing it in one category, but the category I had chosen was the one I got the most joy from. I think it could have worked for a different person but it just didn’t work for me. I did learn a ton from the experience though, I learned that I am a collector. I get enjoyment from collecting things and I think a better way to save space in my wardrobe and money in my wallet is to think of alternatives instead of restrictions. I have been really into gyaru lately so I’ve been collecting press ons every paycheck, and also I will open a separate account for my “fun” spending so that I can buy a new JSK from time to time without worry or go on a trip and know I have all the money I need for my bills.
This is an ongoing journey and I know my current system won’t be perfect but I think it’s important to talk about taking responsibility for your finances while still enjoying this fashion and lifestyle, it can add up super quickly if you aren’t careful. Best of luck and I hope all reading this have a wonderful day!
I decided I wanted to have little calling cards for once I’m able to go to events again! It was super fun to make and I hope I get to use these next time I go to a big event! I ordered some of these off of snapfish
1.) Accept that you won’t actually be able to wear it literally everyday and that that’s okay and makes you no less of a lifestyle lolita, there’s a lot more to it than just the clothes for a lot of lifestylers!
2.) Get in the habit of planning coordinates the day before! I have Stylebook on my phone so I will often plan out the outfit on there instead of rifling through my closet. Then I put it all into a cute little box on my bureau for the next day so I’m not scrambling looking for a headpiece 20 minutes before I need to be out of the house for work
3.) Get really familiar with your office’s dress code if you work in an environment where you don’t have to wear a uniform. That way you can be sure that even if your outfit may offend a coworkers tastes you know that you are in the clear and you don’t have to stress about whether or not your coords are work appropriate.
4.) Develop a makeup routine that will work with most of your coords, I personally love experimental makeup with egl but in the morning you aren’t always going to have time for that. I like doing a simple soft girly makeup the majority of the time, I have toned down dolly eye makeup down pat. Japanese magazine scans that you can find on pinterest are great for daily inspiration
5.) Make a laundry system and do your best to stick to it! I actually got a smaller basket so it would be the size of what I could feasibly handwash and not feel overwhelmed and it is also coincidentally the same size as a single load in my apartment buildings washer and dryer. I have only recently gotten this down and I have had many pieces that could have been saved and had their life prolonged if I had only figured this one out sooner
6.) Keep your closet organized! Find a way that works for you to quickly locate the items you need particularly accessories, they can accrue much faster than you think and can add 20 minutes to your time getting ready if you can’t find them
7.) Make a budget. Lolita’s joke a lot about their spending habits and although it is fun to joke about it’s important to make sure that you’re able to enjoy your lifestyle and hobby worry free. Being super stressed about money isn’t kawaii. ( I am honestly still working on this one so it is coming from a place of personal experience and love to you all.)
8.) In the same vein as the makeup get some go to hairstyles down pat as well that are under 10 minutes, anything heat free with a little bit of practice can often end up falling in this category. I personally love twin tails at all heights and a half up hairstyle with a bun or braids on the side. I also like braids plopped on the top of my head into an updo.
9.) Let yourself romanticize your life, this subculture in a lot of ways is based on escapism but don’t drift so far you leave reality, let that princess mindset allow you to see the bright side of life and give you extra motivation where their might not normally be any. Don’t feel like going to work? Remind yourself that you need more gold and silver to fund your kingdom. It sounds silly but it helps a lot for me and I’m hoping it might help some of you too.
10.) Don’t isolate yourself entirely in this world, allow yourself to have other interests! Be a broad and dynamic person. I personally do things like karate and going to the gym and although those aren’t always associated with the lolita style I am made happy by those things. Let lolita fashion add to your life not take away from it
I made a moodboard like I suggested in my lifestyle lolita tips blog post! I decided to go with images that made me think of romantic adventures and fun times with my friends! I’m very lucky to live in an area that it’s possible to start seeing people again and going out to do things. I want to live my summer to the fullest this year! I also have a lot of new interests this year I didn’t have last year like swimming and mermaiding! Water is going to be a big part of my summer this year as well as egl meetups. I am so excited.
☀️Get a kawaii swimsuit, and enjoy a trip with a friend
☀️Get outside! Go for a hike, swim or bike ride
☀️Watch the sunset one night
☀️Enjoy some ice cream! Try making one of those over the top harajuku ice cream shop style sundaes
☀️Try mixing in chiffon blouses and lighter fabrics into your coords to deal with the warm weather
☀️Create road trip mixtapes for when you’re able to road trip again
☀️Update your travel bags for when you can vacation again add bows and lace!
☀️Try a blouse less coord on a really hot day and take advice on how to coordinate that from much more experienced lolitas from warmer climates, I plan on trying one myself this month!
☀️Make a moodboard for how you want your summer to be and make it a
Luna By The Lake With Cake 