This week I got to spend a wonderful couple of days celebrating my anniversary, Mabon and Bi Visibility Day with the love of my life and one of the things we did was watch a new anime together. We watched Love, Chunibyo and Other Delusions. It appears to be a seasonal anime that didn’t gain as much traction as others I have seen. (Also as a disclaimer on this post, I haven’t quite finished the show yet) It has a really unique premise of exploring the concept of Chunibyo, or “Middle Schooler Syndrome” the time period where some young people pretend or believe themselves to be magical creatures and otherworldly beings in order to feel like they have importance in the world. I experienced some of this myself and would argue that how I live now is just a more matured version of this idea.
In the series, there is a Gothic Lolita who emulates being a dark magician and lives her life in this idea to the bafflement and confusion of those around her. She is genuinely happy. Other characters in the show did similar things in the past, the protagonist having once been the The Dark Flame Master. However when he thinks of his past he is embarrassed and ashamed and wants to hide that part of himself from the world in order to be perceived as normal. Even though as the show goes on it becomes clear that that part of himself makes him happy and he starts to find a middle ground as well as helping his friend become a bit more grounded herself.
I was just really excited to see a character in Lolita Fashion because whenever I do I just get really excited however there was a line in the show that convinced me that I had to write more about it than just contain it in a listicle. In one scene a character asks the protagonist why Rika (the lolita) acts and dresses the way that she does and he responds, “I think she has to be like that, I think that there’s something in her life that it protects her from, something she wouldn’t be able to handle without it.” It resonated with me deeply and made me happy to see that he seemed to understand her in some way.
I think of myself as a maiden in training to be a magical princess, really and truly. This concept is something that I shape my life around. Now I have my own very specific idea of what this means but it’s important to me and genuinely helps me get through my life especially in this time of transition personally and upheaval globally. Now I know that this concept is far more metaphorical than anything else but it makes it no less real to me. I’m proud of this part of myself and every time in a coord at the grocery store and a little kid points and says, “look it’s a princess!!” my heart soars. I don’t allow this to limit me though, I still go to the gym and goof around because to me, of course a princess must be a well rounded and practical individual as well. It’s an ideal to aspire to, while simultaneously being who I am. I know that I am not the only lolita who has lived by this notion and I’m certainly not the only one right now. I just see less and less content that looks like this as my time in this fashion continues.
It seems as if the community has a collective embarrassment of how we once participated in the fashion. There is plenty of nostalgia for it too, but there seems to be such an effort by the modern wave of lolitas to appear as normal and respectable. In some realms this is understandable and I support it fully. For example, I am very proud of the egl community for how fiercely it defends it’s members and protects minors and those who don’t want unconsenting sexual conduct or content. I appreciate that due to this we have been able to create some spaces where we can enjoy our fashion in relative peace. In other realms, it saddens me. For example, it seems like many larger lolita fashion content creators when asked if they are lifestylers do their very best to distance themselves from the term and from the image of that. I know it isn’t their intention but in some ways it seems to be a disdain for the concept as a whole. It seems as if they are saying “Don’t worry, it’s only clothes.” Where for me, it will never be just only clothes. There is nothing wrong with just wearing the fashion as lolita fashion has always had this split inside of it, I just miss seeing people proudly declare that they were a lifestyle lolita. In the same way that some people are goth.
People who I once followed for being lifestylers also seemed to grow tired of their old images and daydreams, and again it is totally okay to grow and change but in many of these places it seems like there is almost a shame for who they used to be. It saddens me to see people be ashamed of versions of themselves that I loved and learned from. It’s okay to change, but don’t beat yourself up for who you have been, even if you don’t want to be that person anymore. Honestly, this blog is an attempt for me to relive those moments I had reading old blogs. When I return to them more and more links are broken and it feels like the tradition of lolita blogging is on the way out. I am so happy that I found new blogs to follow on here though, I’m grateful for the parts of our community that hold on to some of the spirit that I fell in love with. I’ll be sure to do my part as well.
I may change my mind in the future and if I do that’s okay, but for as long as I desire I promise not to deprive myself of my dream of being a magical princess.
Luna By The Lake With Cake 