I can’t believe it’s already April, it’s been almost a month since I last posted and it feels like this past month just completely passed me by. I’ve had a good month though. I worked on continuing to finish my major declutter for this year. I am tonight working on disassembling a bureau I’ve had forever. I made a post on here about it. I’m keeping that beautiful mirror. But, I realized that the back wood of the drawers had started to degrade and rot. It’s time to let it go. Something about that feels weirdly personal for me. I’ve been getting rid of a lot of things I’ve had since I was little. Maybe, I’m just someone who sees symbolism in everything and romanticizes a lot, however it feels almost like permission to move on from the past in some ways. I don’t get into a lot of details on my socials typically because of internet safety, but there have been some challenging pieces of my life, especially in the early years. Somehow, this feels like actually letting go.
I inherited a habit to cling onto objects from my mom. She used to get upset when I didn’t hold onto something she had deemed important for me, so I think I learned to put a bit too much importance into physical things. However, people and relationships aren’t those physical things, and we’re allowed to design lives and spaces that fit us. Doing that doesn’t erase your feelings for people or make you “fake”, like a lot of other alternative people I feel as if I had that fear of things being considered a “phase” and if you ever grew out of it then that meant it was never real. I think real people can’t be static and there‘s a lot of pressure for people to live in their pasts.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with acknowledging that your past experiences have affected and shaped you, but I think we can overglorify the person we once were. I enjoy a lot of positive, warm, inspirational content, but I kind of resent the idea that “you can go back to who you were before the world hurt you” I don’t think you can ever go back. I think that’s its own blessing, that we don’t appreciate enough, and I have just now learned to be grateful for. I wouldn’t have any of the absolutely wonderful people I have in my life now if I hadn’t learned to let some things go. And even though I have some practice now, it’s still so hard. I don’t know how to let go of certain things still, but I’m proud of the work I’ve done so far.
To loop this back around to the topics this blog is usually about, I also donated a good chunk of my old Lolita wardrobe to a local thrift store recently. I kept some brand I’m planning on giving to my comm members. It felt like I was committing some sort of grievous Lolita fashion sin! I, then realized, that was kind of silly. I had been trying to sell these pieces on and off for awhile, and I just needed to move on from them. My husband greatly appreciates the extra space in the house. A surprising, but wonderful result of me doing this was finding that I love all of my outfits recently. I feel good in everything. I didn’t realize how many clothes I just kept because I had them, and that I didn’t feel good in them. I’m happy to be able to keep working on living my life a little better each day. Even though this is going way too fast.
I hope you all drink some water, eat good food, and get some rest. See you next time!
Luna By The Lake With Cake 